


What can I do?

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kim Wonpil-centric, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 12:30:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: Jae and Sungjin are finally together after a year of pining and Younghyun and Dowoon have been together for almost half a year now after a just as long period of pining. Wonpil had seen them getting together from a mile away and was prepared for being the fifth wheel.They were happy and Wonpil was happy for them and he just couldn’t get himself to speak up and break the safe bubble they were in. He has lived with his father for his whole life, he doesn’t need to bother them with his bruises and broken bones.He can handle it.





	What can I do?

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Loosely inspired by the What can I do, I loved you and When you love someone M/V but not really. It’s basically a high school au where I hurt Wonpil because I’m a horrible person that hurts my faves...  
> Please tell me what you think! xoxo

Wonpil isn’t surprised when he sees Jae and Sungjin walk towards him with their fingers interlocked. He had seen the way Sungjin stared at Jae and the way the older boy blushed whenever he noticed those stares. He had told them several times to admit their feelings for each other but they were both so annoyingly oblivious despite the amount of time they spent admiring one another. Wonpil took the liberty to take at least a portion of the credit for them getting together, he had given plenty of hints and made sure they ended up on their own the day before and now they were walking hand in hand onto the school grounds. 

Jae and Sungjin smile shyly as they tell Wonpil the news and he grins cheekily at them and tells them, “I told you so.”. They frown slightly and look at each other in confusion before it dawns on them that Wonpil had had the same conversations with both of them. Wonpil simply laughs and hooks his arm in Sungjin’s free one and drags the two of them inside and off to class.

It’s at lunch period that Wonpil considers if he should make a profession as a matchmaker in the future. He’s only seventeen and he’s already made two couples get together. Dowoon and Younghyun are practically in their own world as they stare lovingly at each other and Jae is leaning his head on Sungjin’s shoulder as he lazily sips his capri-sun and Wonpil briefly wonders if the taller boy lacks vertebrates in his neck because that just cannot be comfortable. Sungjin turns his head slightly and presses a light kiss on the top of Jae’s head and they glare at Wonpil when he pretends to gag at their display of affection. 

Younghyun suggests they go on a double date at some point soon since the two oldest boy’s pining days are finally over. They quickly agree and pull out their phones to try and find a date that works for all of them and Wonpil smiles fondly at them. He’s happy for them and he doesn’t feel any resentment. He knew this would happen, they may all be close friends but there was no doubt about the specialness of the two pair’s relationship even before they realised their feelings themselves. He’s prepared himself for this, for being the fifth wheel. He can handle it.

He hopes.

* * *

Wonpil stayed in the school library until closing. The others had left hours ago but he told them he needed to catch up on his reading and he knew the others saw through his lie but they didn’t mention it and left after a quick goodbye. The librarian was used to him staying late and was kind enough to give him warnings every hour or so since he tended to lose track of time when he was alone. Unfortunately the librarian couldn’t allow him to stay any later and he gathered up his things and got on the bus heading home. 

He froze when he heard the voice on the bus call out that his stop was the next one. He didn’t want to go home but he also didn’t want to spend the night outside even if spring was bringing warmer nights. He considered staying on the bus and going to Sungjin’s place for the night but Jae and him were going to hang out and the boys deserved some alone time now that they finally had each other. Well, they had always had each other but now it was different and like Wonpil had done with Dowoon and Younghyun he needed to give them their space to adjust. He sighs when he nears his apartment building, he had long since learned that it was pointless to slow down his steps in a futile attempt to prolong the inevitable but he doesn’t speed up either. 

The smell of beer and alcohol hit him as soon as he opens the door and he closes it quickly, not wanting his neighbors to smell it. He frowns at the sight of the living room, a dozen bottles littered around and one of them had fallen over and was dripping the foul liquid onto the carpet. He hears loud snores from one of the bedrooms and figures he should take the opportunity to clean up now when he wouldn’t get leers and taunts from his father. He quickly gathers the bottles and pours out the ones that weren’t completely empty and carefully places them in a bag to be recycled later. He froze in fear each time the bottles clinked together and listen carefully for the absence of his father’s snores, luckily he wasn’t easily woken up when he was wasted. 

He grabs a big trash bag and moves the living room table as quietly as he can so he can throw the carpet in the bag to wash it later. He ties it off for now and places the bag by the door, at least the smell isn’t as bad anymore but it would never be completely gone. His father had soaked alcohol into every crevice of their small apartment and Wonpil was lucky he had a lock on his closet so his father wouldn’t somehow contaminate the few things that Wonpil owned himself. 

When he’s finally done cleaning up he allows himself to breath and heads for the bathroom. He’d usually allow himself to cry as he took his shower but tonight the tears won’t come, he just feels numb. He swallows, he knows what it means but he doesn’t want it to be true. He pinches himself just to try and trigger his tearcanals but even as he felt a tear slip down his cheek along with the water from the shower he didn’t feel any more forming, it was like his brain had turned off his emotions for the night. His eyes flick over to the razor resting on the little shelf in the shower and his fingers itch to tear it apart and run the blade across his skin to make himself feel again but he shakes his head to will away the thought. He had been clean for almost three months now and one evening of numbness already lured him back to those thoughts. Wonpil quickly finishes washing up and puts on his sleeping shirt and boxers and makes his way to his room, finally some rest. 

His plan was interrupted by a looming shadow behind him and he barely has time to turn and block the punches his father rained down on him. How his father could be so strong despite being so unsteady on his feet, Wonpil could never understand. His father changes his target from his face to his gut and manages to knock the wind out of him and the knee that proceeds to kick him knocks him to the ground. He keeps his arms up, covering his face as best he can as his father continues to kick and shout at him. Wonpil had long since ran out of excuses for why he was bruised and it was easier to cover up his body and arms than his face.

It seems like his father eventually grows tired as his onslaught slows down and eventually stop. Wonpil waits until he’s sure his father was gone before he gingerly gets up and heads for his room. He lays down on his matress and presses down on his chest as he bites his lip to keep quiet, he needs to make sure nothing is broken. Silent tears were slipping down his face but he still didn’t feel sad or scared. He was in pain but at the same time he felt numb.

* * *

It may be cheesy, but as Sungjin lay here, looking straight at Jae’s sleeping face he can’t believe his luck. That this beautiful, kind, if albeit goofy boy is in love with him. It’s unbelievable but even if this only is a dream Sungjin will treasure it for the rest of his life. He’s been crushing on the older boy for more than a year and apparently everyone could see it except for Jae, hell, Wonpil knew it even before Sungjin did - but he’ll never admit that part to Wonpil, he’d be way too smug about it. Jae had admitted the night before that he’d been in love with for just as long as him and they couldn’t help but laugh at their obliviousness and hypocrisy. They had been so insistent on Dowoon and Younghyun getting together because it was so _obvious_ , while they themselves were exactly the same. It had been so frustrating to see them dance around each other and Sungjin briefly wondered how Wonpil felt seeing the four of them be so blind, had he also been frustrated? He quickly discarded the thought, he was probably amused more than anything.

“What you smirking at?” and _fuck_ , why did Jae’s voice have to be so sexy in the morning? It’s so unfair, even his bed head looks good and Sungjin feels a bit self conscious, he probably looks like a zombie. Jae sits up slightly and rests on his elbow and peer down at him, “Now you’re frowning. What’s going on in that head of yours?” he pokes at Sungjin’s temple making Sungjin grin.

“Thinking about us.”

Jae smiles and hums slightly before arranging himself to rest his head on Sungjin’s chest, “I like that.”

“Like what? Me thinking about us?” Sungjin tries to get Jae to twist so he can look at his face but he seems to have decided that this position is his home now.

“Well yeah,” Jae mumbles after a while and finally he looks up, bangs covering most of his face, “more specifically, I like that there is an _us_.”

Sungjin hums and cards his hand through Jae’s hair. He wants to argue that there had always been an us but he gets what Jae means; not much has changed but it’s still different. This whole scene for example, the two of them had cuddled before - many times - but never like this, never with so much open love between them, or at least not this kind of love between them. Too much fear had covered this kind of love but now, it was all in the open and even if Sungjin had been terrified before all he could feel now was courage. 

Jae groaned into Sungjin’s chest when the alarms on their phones went off and Sungjin’s sister yelled at him from the other room to turn them off and Sungjin quickly complied, she was working night shifts for her internship and he had heard her come home only an hour earlier. They got ready in silence, and Jae borrowed one of Sungjin’s shirts to wear under the school issued blazer because he hadn’t thought to bring one of his own yesterday. Sungjin had always found those couples who wore each others clothes to be a bit cringy, but when he saw the way his shirt was hanging loosely around Jae’s shoulders he guessed he could understand them a bit more.

His father was in the kitchen making breakfast when they came downstairs and greeted them softly as to not wake Sungjin’s sister and unleash her sleep deprived wrath. He asked them if they slept well with a knowing smirk, he had checked on them earlier when Sungjin had been the only one awake and Sungjin knew he was lucky his parents were such understanding people. He doesn’t think he would allow himself to do this if they hadn’t been. He wondered if Jae had talked to his parents about his feeling like Sungjin had with his family, he hoped he had because he really didn’t want to keep this a secret. He hoped they were as accepting as Sungjin’s family.

“How’s Wonpil?” his dad asks as they sit at the table, “He hasn’t stayed over in a while.”

“He’s fine.” he hopes his quick answer doesn’t sound as suspicious to Jae’s ears as it had to Sungjin’s. His parents knows about Wonpil’s home life only because his shirt had accidentally ridden up when he was reaching for a bowl for their popcorn on the top shelf and revealed an array of bruises. Sungjin hadn’t known before that and he doubted Wonpil would have ever told him himself if his mother hadn’t been so perceptive and insisted he let her look him over. 

“Tell him he’s welcome if things ever get bad again.” Sungjin nodded and shoved another piece of food in his mouth and pretended not to notice Jae’s questioning gaze.

* * *

It’s kind of sad, Dowoon thinks as he notices a group of girls look at him and practically swoon when he glances their way. Pretty much everyone knows about Younghyun and him by now but apparently his hand interlocked with the older boy’s wasn’t enough to deter them. He considers if he should just start making out with Younghyun right there on the school grounds to get his point across but he doubts that will go over well with the teachers and decides against it. 

He frowns slightly when he notices Wonpil walking slowly from the school building. He looks tired and moves albeit sluggishly, favoring his right side slightly. Dowoon could never understand how the boy could stay so late at school only to come back an hour before classes started. Or maybe he could understand, he used to do it too, before, when he hadn’t had any friends and sleep constantly seemed to evade him in his too empty apartment. But he didn’t think an empty apartment was the reason for Wonpil, it was probably his insane work ethic that Dowoon wished he could get even a portion of so he could pass the damn exams that are coming up. 

Dowoon untangles himself from Younghyun and rushes past Jae and Sungjin standing together to get to Wonpil and he grabs hold of his arm and then turns to drag him over to the others. He notices small frowns on all of their faces and glances back at Wonpil to see a poorly concealed pained expression before he notices them looking at him and he plastering a smile on his face.

“You will not believe what I saw this morning,” Wonpil exclaimed already laughing as if he was recalling a comedy show, “there was this lady who had her kid on a leash, it looked so weird and the kid kept forgetting he was stuck, hold on,” he rambled on as he pulled out his phone, “I got it on video.”

He turned his phone to the rest of them and they all chuckled softly until the lady in the video noticed Wonpil filming and started yelling at him, cursing in a strong accent and they burst out laughing. They could see Wonpil flinch and run away while apologizing profusely. Wonpil laughed along with them as he put away his phone and before anyone could say anything the bell rang and they were pulled inside along with the rest of the students.

Dowoon seriously believes that time moves differently depending on where you are and it seems like school is the place where time passes the slowest. He feels his eyelids droop as the teacher goes on and on about the grading criteria for their upcoming essay, he figures he can read it on his own later on, when he’s actually awake. A loud yawn passed through his lips and Wonpil elbows him in the side as the teacher glares at him, luckily she doesn’t seem to have the energy to scold him and continues with her lecture. 

When it’s finally lunch time Dowoon rushes to the cafeteria with Wonpil trailing behind him, yelling for him to slow down. But Dowoon can’t slow down, they’re serving pizza today and it was sure to have run out if he doesn’t get there early. He sees Jae and Younghyun walking a bit further ahead and speeds up to slap Younghyun on his ass as he passes and beelines for the lunch line. He feels some disappointment as he looks at what he supposes was the pizza, it looks more like bread with tomato sauce and some melted cheese. The lunch lady gives him two pieces and Dowoon can’t keep the pout off his face as he heads over to his friends who brought their own food. Wonpil leans over to look at his plate as he sits down and bursts out laughing.

“You ran from the left wing for this!” he slaps Sungjin’s ar as he laughs and the others chuckle along with him, even Dowoon himself can’t help but crack a smile. 

They ate in comfortable silence after they managed to calm down and Dowoon was pleasantly surprised that the pizza wasn’t too bad, don’t get him wrong though, it wasn’t good but at least it was edible. 

“Why aren’t you eating?” at Younghyun’s question Dowoon’s eyes snap up to look at Wonpil who was looking a bit like a deer caught in headlights. 

“I forgot to bring my wallet.” he said sheepishly and Dowoon frowns, that’s not like Wonpil at all. He’s always on top of things, and besides he never bought food at school like Dowoon.

“Bullshit.” Jae says, looking at him sternly and Wonpil’s smile slips of his face and he shuffles slightly in his seat, as if uncomfortable. 

“Dad got fired a couple weeks ago and he took it pretty harsh, he hasn’t found a new job yet so we need to save up on what we can. I eat at home though so don’t worry.” he looks up again and his cheeks are tinted slightly pink as he tries to smile reassuringly at them.

“Sorry, man. That’s rough.” Jae says and places a hand on the younger’s shoulder “Let us know if you need anything alright?”

“Thanks.” Wonpil mumbles and Younghyun silently slides over the rest of his sandwich to witch Wonpil tries to protest but Younghyun’s stare leaves no room for argument and Wonpil proceeds to take a bite.

* * *

Younghyun likes acting like a carefree guy but in reality he worries, he worries a lot. He worries about school, about keeping his job at the convenience store, about college but most of all he worries about his friends. When their stress and insecurities would make their eyes lack the usual luster that they should always hold. Jae would get too inside his own head and practically shut down as he tries to deal with his insecurities and stress, he rarely let the rest of them help, taking his role as being the oldest way too seriously. Sungjin would become overly controlling whenever his stress became too much. Younghyun recalls the time he ended up in the same group as the older boy and he had dealt out tasks to everyone equally but ended up doing all the work despite the other group members protests and then got irrationally annoyed by the lack of help he received. 

They all had their insecurities, Younghyun had them too but he didn’t concern himself with them too much, focusing instead on making sure his friend’s ones didn’t get the better of them in more or less subtle ways. He’d joke around with Jae to get him to smile and let go some of the tension in his shoulders. He would help Sungjin with his school work in disguise of needing his help. He’d shower his friends in hidden compliments and always felt a sense of achievement whenever shy smiles would don their faces and their cheeks would tint slightly red.

With Dowoon, words were rarely needed and Younghyun believed that to be part of the reason why they fit together so well, a warm hug could make them feel better and if things were particularly bad, blasting music through the speakers would do the trick as they cuddled on the couch. However, there were times when those things didn’t work. When the hugs made Dowoon miss his mom or when the blasting speakers would bring too much attention to the silence when the song faded out. In those times, just being there was enough, giving him the opportunity to talk if he wanted to. He’d wrap his arms around the younger boy and ask stupid questions to make him laugh again. 

Even if he treasured all the time they spent together, Younghyun couldn’t help but be afraid that there’d be a day when he wouldn’t be enough, that Dowoon would search for someone else, someone better. That was Younghyun’s biggest insecurity, not being enough. He thinks it’s his mother’s fault, her constant pressure for him to do better even when he was at the top of his class always makes him feel inadequate, even outside his academic career. There will always be someone better and he was terrified of the day the ones he loves would realise it. 

“You’re so loud.” Dowoon whines suddenly and sits up to look at Younghyun who could feel his brows furrow in confusion.

“I didn’t say anything.” 

Dowoon brings one finger up and pokes Younghyun in the middle of the forehead, “You’re thinking. I can practically hear those rusty gears turning in that head of yours.”

“Hey!” oh such an eloquent response, and Dowoon laughs, making Younghyun smile despite himself. Dowoon could always make him smile and that’s one of the many reasons Younghyun loves him. He has this air around him that makes Younghyun feel safe and he hopes that he himself has the same effect on the younger boy.

Dowoon sobers up and looks at Younghyun seriously, making him want to hide behind the pillow in his lap. “What’s going on?”

Younghyun wasn’t going to answer but the searching puppy eyes Dowoon displayed made it hard. Besides, it’s unfair that Dowoon’s the only one to share his problems while he kept his own ones hidden. “I’m just worried.”

“About what?” Dowoon prompts and scoots a bit closer on the couch so that their knees are touching. The small gesture speaking volumes, _I’m here_. 

“Everything, I guess.” Younghyun sighs, “About the guys, about school and work and...” he trails off and Dowoon nods, he probably feels the same. They all care so much for each other, they used to say they were brothers but with the relationships in the group that’s just weird so they opt to say family instead. Younghyun hesitates slightly but he knows he needs to talk to Dowoon or it would for sure cause problems in the future if he let his insecurities blossom, “I’m worried about us too.” 

“Why?” Dowoon’s voice sounds small, scared almost, and Younghyun reaches out and takes his hand, interlocking their fingers firmly. 

“I don’t feel like I’m enough. I just, I can’t do anything to help and even if you smile I can’t help but wonder if you’re only doing it for my sake.” he rushes through it because he doesn’t want to be interrupted. “You’ll eventually find someone better and I just- I don’t want you to leave me.”

“I won’t leave you.” and Dowoon says it like it’s fact and there’s no trace of doubt in his eyes, “You are more than enough. You bring me so much happiness that I hadn’t had for years before I got to know you. I don’t know what I’d do without you and I won’t ever leave you,” he pauses and squeezes his hand, “unless you want me to.”

“I don’t want you to.” Younghyun whispers, “I never want to be without you.”

* * *

Wonpil sits with his history book open in front of him and pen in hand, ready to take notes, but he just can’t focus. He keeps biting the inside of his cheeks to ground himself but he broke the skin a while ago and now all he can taste is iron on his tongue and it’s making him nauseous. He had spent less than two days feeling numb and then Younghyun had to go and bring him food three days in a row and every time he took a bite he’d get choked up, but luckily he managed to keep his emotions at bay in front of the others. It was strange, the way depression worked, how he’d go from numb to as emotional as widow at a funeral.

Wonpil checks his watch and sighs, the library is closing in twenty minutes but he doesn’t want to go home, he never does. After his dad got fired he had gotten so much worse, drinking more and being so angry. Somewhere in the back of his head he knows his father isn’t angry with Wonpil, rather, he’s angry with himself and the world and he just needs a release. He just hates that his release has to be getting drunk off his ass and beating his son to a pulp every night. 

As he gathers up his things he considers calling Sungjin to ask if he can stay over for the night but decides against it, the older boy has enough on his plate with college applications and he’d be worried if he realised just how afraid Wonpil was of going home. He’s the only one that knows about Wonpil’s dad and Wonpil knows he already worries a lot. He doesn’t want to burden his already heavy shoulders even more. He could ask one of the others but it would be too suspicious to ask to stay over on a weeknight. Besides, Younghyun and Jae are just as busy with college applications and cramming for finals as Sungjin. And even if Dowoon doesn’t have as much pressure from school as the others, the emptiness of his apartment is enough for the younger to deal with, he doesn’t need Wonpil’s shit on top of that. 

When he finally arrives home he doesn’t even have the time to sling off his backpack before his father has him slammed against the wall and his hands wrapped tightly around his neck. He feels lightheaded and he knows he’s going to pass out soon but luckily his father lets go and Wonpil leans heavily against the wall, bringing a hand to his neck as he tried to get air back into his lungs. Unfortunately his luck doesn’t last long and his father punches him hard in the side of his head, making his ears ring and the room spin. He crumples to the ground and his father kicks him over and over again and Wonpil is so out of it he can’t even get his limbs coordinated enough to protect himself. 

He has nearly passed out when his father steps on his hand, hard, making everything rush back to awareness. He screams and quickly brought his free hand to his mouth to silence his sounds, he doesn’t want to anger his father any further, if that’s even possible. His father seems to have grown bored though and stumbles away from his crumpled form and Wonpil carefully sits up, bringing his injured hand to his chest. It’s already swelling and bruising, definitely broken. He somehow manages to get to his feet and stumble outside, he needs to get to a hospital. Wonpil stumbles and squeezes his eyes shut as a car passes and the sound makes his head pound worse than before, he suspects he has a concussion as well. He really needed to get to a hospital.

* * *

None of them said anything the first day Wonpil didn’t show up at school, a flu was going around and with the amount of time Wonpil spent at school it wasn’t unexpected that he’d catch it. What was unexpected though, was that he wasn’t responding to any messages and Jae has a feeling Sungjin knows something by the way he keeps glancing at his phone every few minutes, the frown on his face growing deeper each time. Jae tried to ask him about it but he just said it was nothing and smiled so cutely that Jae forgot what he was even asking about in the first place. 

Younghyun kept bringing an extra meal each day but it was left uneaten in the paper bag it was brought in. They all hoped Wonpil would be back soon, it had almost been a week since they’d last seen him and finals were starting in a couples weeks. Jae suggested they go visit him to make sure he was okay but they all came to the realisation they didn’t know where he lived. Well, they knew what area but going around knocking on every door seemed a bit excessive when he should be back in a couple days.

* * *

Jae thought he’d be happy when he saw Wonpil at school again but all he felt was confusion and concern. His hand was in a cast and he was covered in fading bruises. What the fuck happened to him?

“Oh my god.” Younghyun gasps next to him as Wonpil nears and they quicken their steps to meet him halfway, “What the fuck happened to you?” Younghyun reaches out as if to touch him but pulls away as if he thinks better of it. 

“It looks worse than it is.” he smiles, he fucking _smiles_ and Jae almost want to punch him but he opts to pull him in for a hug instead. He doesn’t need any more bruises even if they ultimately come from a place of love. “Let’s just head to class.” Wonpil says and starts talking about nothing and everything as he links his arm in theirs and pulls them inside.

They meet up in the cafeteria for lunch and Jae realises Wonpil is ridiculously good at distracting all of them from their concern for him. As he thinks back he realises he has done it a lot in the time they’ve known each other, only now it’s impossible to forget what they’re concerned about. The array of bruises on his face and the cast that now has a few doodles on it serves as a constant reminder that something horrible happened to Wonpil, something he doesn’t want to tell them about. 

There are yellow bruises around his neck that look far to much like fingers and Jae can’t help but imagine what colorful mess is hidden by Wonpil’s clothes. The image he paints makes him want to puke and he hopes it’s not as bad as his mind suggests, he hopes that the worst of it is what they can see. He hopes he that what he suspects isn’t what is reality. 

He watches as Sungjin gives Wonpil a look and they rise to leave and Jae knows he was right in his suspicion that Sungjin knew more than he let on. He hesitates for a moment before getting up and following them. He needs to know what is going on and if things continue like they have, he knows he won't get any answers to his questions.

* * *

Wonpil knew even before he stepped onto the school grounds that the others would be worried. It wasn’t the first time he came to school with visible bruises but it had never been so many and ones that made it obvious it wasn't from a clumsy accident. He would have liked to stay home until the bruises were faded but exams were coming up and he couldn’t miss anymore classes. He needs good grades and to get into a good university, it’s the only chance he has of getting away from his father.

He knew the guys would want answers but he did his best to distract them and even if he knew they’d still wonder what had happened to him and he hoped his distractions he had planned for the upcoming week would make them forget. But Jae kept staring at him like he was solving a puzzle while Younghyun and Dowoon seemed like they didn’t want answers and Wonpil knows it’s not because they don’t care, it’s rather because they’re scared of the answer. Sungjin keeps looking at him with knowing eyes and when he finally locks eyes with him at lunch and nods discreetly towards the entrance of the cafeteria he knows he has no choice but to follow him. 

Wonpil follows silently as Sungjin leads him to the men’s room and into one of the stalls and sighs when he looked at him with an almost angry expression. He knew he’d be upset, Wonpil had promised he’d come to him if it ever got too bad and the bruises covering his body was the proof that he hadn’t kept his promise. He wants to assure him that he had asked for help though, the lady living one floor below him had taken him to the hospital and he had slept on her couch for two days before he felt well enough to take the stairs up again. But he suspects that would only make Sungjin more worried, that it had been so bad he couldn’t even sleep in his own bed and had to ask a stranger for help.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Sungjin asks finally and Wonpil only shrugs in response, “You promised me you would. My parents have been worried as well. You could have at least let me know you were okay.” and Sungjin looks him up and down before continuing, “Well obviously not okay. But you could have let me know your dad didn’t finally kill you.” Wonpil flinches slightly when Sungjin’s voice cracks at the last words and he sees tears forming in the older’s eyes.

“He wouldn’t kill me.” Wonpil mumbles and his hand unconsciously reaches up to trail over the bruises he knows cover his neck, “My dad is a horrible man but he’s not a murderer.” 

Sungjin opens his mouth to argue but Wonpil is done with this conversation and unlocks the door to leave but freezes as soon as it opens. Jae’s standing with his back to them but their eyes meet in the mirror and Wonpil has never seen him look so devastated. He heard everything, there is no doubt about it, he looks slightly guilty as he turns around to face them but his expression change into one of anger when he looks over Wonpil’s shoulder and directly at Sungjin.

Jae looked back at Wonpil and the devastated look was back, “Your father did that to you?” Wonpil can only nod, not trusting his voice. Jae turns his head towards Sungjin and Wonpil wonders if the muscles in his face will be sore from the way his expression keeps changing, his voice is harsh when he speaks again, “And you, you fucking knew? How could you keep something like that from us? From me?”

He doesn’t give Sungjin a chance to answer before he storms off and when Wonpil turns to look at Sungjin he feels his heart break. The older boy’s eyes are filled with unshed tears and emotion, so much guilt and Wonpil wonders if it’s from the fact that Wonpil’s most kept secret was revealed or if it’s because Jae found out he’d kept it hidden from him. 

“That’s why I couldn’t come to you.” Wonpil says eventually, “I didn’t want you to have to know what happened and keep that a secret from the others as well.” Sungjin looks conflicted as he glances to the door Jae just left through and back to him so Wonpil makes the decision for him, “Go talk to him, he’ll understand if you just explain it to him.”

Sungjin looks unsure before he pulls Wonpil into a gentle hug and then he walks out the door, leaving Wonpil to stare at his reflection in the mirror. One though keeps running through his head, that all of this is his fault. If they didn’t know him things wouldn’t be so hard for them. They’d be better off with him gone.

* * *

When Sungjin finally finds Jae again it’s outside with the others and judging by the upset looks on Dowoon and Younghyun’s faces he knows they know. Sungjin wants to be angry, this wasn’t Jae’s story to tell but he can’t hide the small amount of relief he feels. Now he won’t be the only one to constantly worry for Wonpil’s safety but as he watches Younghyun wrap an arm around Dowoon’s shoulder he thinks he understands why Wonpil didn’t want them to know. It’s a heavy burden to bear, to know that one of your best friends isn’t safe in their own home but he knows they’re strong, they’ll learn to handle it just like he has. 

He walks towards them with what he hopes looks like confidence but he feels himself deflate when Jae immediately looks away when he notices him. Dowoon stares at him with something akin to betrayal and Younghyun looks at him with pity and Sungjin is glad at least one of them realises that this wasn’t his choice. When he finally comes close enough to be heard if he speaks he can’t seem find any words, he doesn’t know where to start. 

“You knew?” Dowoon almost spits the words out and if he had spoken to him with such disrespect under any other circumstances Sungjin probably would have gotten angry but all he can do is nod and look down, ashamed.

“Wanna know something else,” Sungjin looks up when Jae speaks up and he almost wants to cower at the piercing gaze he has, “his dad knows but he didn’t think to let us know, the ones who actually fucking know Wonpil.”

“My parents were there when I found out,” Sungjin figures the only way to make this right is to tell them everything, “his shirt slipped up and my mom noticed his bruises and well, she’s a doctor so when she forced him to show the extent of his injuries she figured out pretty quickly what was going on. I wouldn’t have known either if he hadn’t reached for the popcorn bowl on the top shelf.” 

“That doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t tell us though.” Jae still looks mad but his voice isn’t laced with venom quite as strong anymore.

“He made me promise not to say anything.” Jae looks ready to argue but Sungjin presses on, “But I said I would tell you and he just stormed off, I had never seen him so angry before. He avoided me for a full week until I cornered him when I saw he was limping and he said he’d let me know when things got bad if I promised not to say anything to you guys. I figured it was the better option. It was either him avoiding me or-”

“You being able to be there for him.” Younghyun fills in and Sungjin nods, “How long have you known?”

“A couple months.”

“God,” Younghyun breathes out and touches Sungjin’s shoulder, “you’ve had to deal with this alone for so long. I’m so sorry you had to do that.”

Sungjin wants to say he’s glad he found out but a lump forms in his throat and his eyes suddenly start watering. He looks up to the sky and blinks a few times to keep himself from crying but it doesn’t help. It seems like the stress of it all has finally gotten to him and when Younghyun pulls him in for a hug he can’t stop the sobs that wrack his body. He tries to apologize but Younghyun shushes him and hugs him tighter. 

Younghyun steps back and Sungjin gets confused because he isn’t even close to have calmed down but then a new set of arms reach around him and Sungjin sighs in relief. He’d know Jae’s scent anywhere and his face settles in the older boy’s shoulder perfectly.

“I’m sorry Sungjin,” Jae whispers and kisses the side of his head, “I didn’t even think about this from your point of view. I just got so angry,” he pauses, “and scared I guess.”

“It’s okay.” he mumbles and he feels two more sets of arms wrap around him and he smiles brokenly into the fabric of Jae’s shirt. 

_He doesn’t have to deal with this on his own anymore._

* * *

The next week pass as if nothing had happened. Younghyun kept bringing Wonpil lunch and they acted like nothing was wrong but there was an obvious tension in the air. But Wonpil obviously didn’t want to talk about it and the rest of them figured it should be his choice when they finally did. Sungjin could tell they were getting antsy though, and he knew someone should bring it up but none of them were brave enough to. Besides, they had a lot on their minds, exam’s season was starting next week and they were all trying to focus on school. 

It was friday and they finally decided to have their double date which really just ended up being making dinner at Dowoon’s place and hanging out. Sungjin didn’t know why they decided to call it a double date since they hung out all five of them most of the times anyways and calling it a date only acted as an uninvitation to Wonpil. They had told him that he should join but he had said he wanted to study and they didn’t want to pressure him but it was obvious they wanted him there as well. 

They had just set up a game of monopoly when Sungjin’s phone rang and he stepped away as he answered.

_“Hey.”_ Wonpil’s voice came through the line.

“Hi, what’s up?” Sungjin tries to keep the worry out of his tone but he never seems to succeed when it came to Wonpil.

_“Where are you?”_ Wonpil ignores the question and Sungjin notices he sounds a bit confused and his voice has an airy sound to it.

“I’m at Dowoon’s with the others.”

_“Oh, right,”_ the pause that followed isn’t long but Sungjin frowns when he hears the sound of a car speeding past, why is he outside? _“sorry for bothering you.”_

“You’re not bothering me. What’s going on Wonpil?” he sees the others look up with questioning looks and he holds up a finger, telling them to give him a minute.

_“I-”_ the noise of the phone clattering to the ground makes Sungjin jump and he hears some shuffling on the other side and then some pained breaths pass over the speaker, _“I don’t feel so good.”_

“Where are you?” Sungjin feels his heart skip a beat when he doesn’t respond, “Wonpil! Where are you?” and if the other’s attention wasn’t on him before it sure is now. 

_“Uh-”_ Wonpil pauses, _“park?”_ and Sungjin does not like how that sounds like a question.

“The one near your house?”

_“Yeah.”_ Wonpil breathes and he sounds far away, like he doesn’t even know what he’s saying.

“Okay, I’m coming, alright?” he’s already heading for the door and the others are quick to follow, “Just stay on the line.”

* * *

It’s at times like these that Younghyun wishes he was older. Something was obviously wrong with Wonpil and Sungjin’s desperately talking to him over the phone but judging by the way his frown keeps deepening it doesn’t seem like he was getting any response. They took the first bus they could find, heading for the area Wonpil lived in but it was going far too slow for Younghyun’s liking and he wishes he has a driver’s licence and a car so they’d be able to get to their friend faster. He looks up at Jae when he hears him curse and finds himself doing the same when the bus stops at yet another stop, they don’t have time for this.

They’re already stood up when the bus finally pulls up to their stop and rush out the doors before they’re even fully open. Sungjin leads the way as they run towards a park nearby and Younghyun feels his heart drop when he notices a crumpled form on one of the benches but doesn’t allow himself to freeze and simply speeds up. They kneel in front of Wonpil and Sungjin slaps his face and calls his name a few times until Wonpil’s eyes opened blearily and they help him sit up. His face was pale even in the dark of the evening, only lit up by a lamppost above them and the side of his head is matted with blood.

“Wha-” he blinked at them, confused, “What are you doing here?”

“You called me, remember?” Sungjin cups Wonpil’s face and makes him turn to look at the wound on his temple.

“Right,” Wonpil mumbles, sounding close to falling asleep, - or maybe he’s about to pass out - Younghyun’s mind unhelpfully adds, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Dowoon frowns and sits down next to him on the bench.

“Ruined your date night.” he mumbles and then proceeded to throw up on Sungjin and his own shoes, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Sungjin assured him and glances over at Jae who was speaking urgently into his phone and Younghyun follows his gaze. Younghyun sighs in relief, at least one of them was smart enough to call for an ambulance. “Just stay awake, help is on the way.” Younghyun snaps back to Wonpil and he quickly puts a steadying hand on his shoulder because he looks close to keeling over.

The ambulance arrived quickly and fortunately they had been able to keep Wonpil conscious until the paramedics could take over. Sungjin and Jae got in the ambulance with them and Dowoon and Younghyun heads back to the bus stop to take a bus to meet them at the hospital. Younghyun wishes he could say something to comfort his boyfriend but he feels just a shaken up as Dowoon looks. His can’t stop thinking of _what if’s_. What if Wonpil hadn’t called Sungjin? What if he hadn’t picked up the call? What if he had been injured worse? What if it was worse than it looked? _What if…_

“He’s going to be okay.” Dowoon mumbles and Younghyun doubts he had even intended to say it out loud but he nods anyway.

“Of course he will be.”

* * *

When they arrive at the hospital Dowoon and Younghyun find Sungjin and Jae sat in the waiting room of the ER. They still look upset but not nearly as distraught as they had been when they found Wonpil and Dowoon allows himself a sigh of relief at that. He hopes it means it isn’t too bad, otherwise they’d be more upset, right?

“How is he?” Younghyun asks and sits down next to Jae and Dowoon takes a seat next to Sungjin.

“The doctor’s looking him over now but the paramedics didn’t seem too worried so it’s probably not too bad,” Sungjin runs a hand through his hair and Dowoon cringe slightly as it has some dried blood on it, “a nurse will come get us when he’s done being examined.”

They sit in silence as they wait, no one knows what to say and Dowoon feels drained from the eventful night. It had shifted so quickly, what had started as a calm evening with food and games ended with them sat in the ER waiting to hear the verdict of how their friend was. Ever since he found out about Wonpil’s dad he has been terrified of this, he had been woken up by nightmares several times since then. Nightmares of his friend being beaten by a faceless man and Dowoon coming to school only to find out he was hospitalized and in some of the more horrible dreams that he was dead, killed by his own father. Those mornings he would hug Wonpil just a tiny bit tighter when they met at school, needing to let himself know that he was okay, that he was alive. 

“You came in with Kim Wonpil, right?” a petite nurse walks up to them and they stand up and nod, “If you come with me I’ll take you to him.”

“How is he?” Sungjin asks as they follow her.

“He’s okay, he has a mild concussion but if he has someone to look after him tonight he can go home.” she pulls a curtain away and reveals Wonpil sitting up on a bed, pulling on his shoes. “Wonpil-ah…” her voice takes a scolding tone, “Are you trying to sneak away?”

Wonpil looks up at her sheepishly, “Maybe.”

“Well I’m guessing your friends are going to watch over you?” she glances at them and they nod. “Well then, take care of yourself Wonpil-ah.” She pats his shoulder and leaves them alone but Dowoon couldn’t help but notice how it seemed like they knew each other. How many times had Wonpil ended up here?

“How you feeling?” Jae asks and bends down to tie Wonpil’s shoes for him.

“Okay.” he must have noticed their stern gazes because he amends, “My head hurts but I’m not as dizzy or nauseous as before.” 

“Alright,” Jae stands up and claps his hands, “what do you say we get out of here?”

* * *

Dowoon had called them a taxi to bring them back to his place and said it was because they had ridden enough busses for one night and at that Wonpil couldn’t help but feel guilty. He had dragged them away from their date night to take care of him even when he had promised himself he wouldn’t bother them with this. He tried to convince them he could just go home and they could continue their date but they refused and practically shoved him inside the car when it arrived. 

When they get to Dowoon’s place Wonpil feels dead on his feet. The painkillers he had gotten at the hospital were starting to kick in and he can feel his eyes drooping with each step. He lets Dowoon lead him to one the spare bedrooms and he settles comfortably under the covers, practically melting into the mattress as sleep takes him. He kept getting woken up by the others throughout the night as per the instructions from the hospital and when he’s woken up by the sun is peeking in through the window he wants nothing more than to fall back asleep but he forces himself not to. It’s already morning and he can’t stay here for too long.

He finds a set of clothes and a towel at the foot of the bed and he silently thanks whatever angel had provided it for him, probably Dowoon. He walks into the bathroom connected to the room and can’t help but feel both jealousy and pity for Dowoon, it’s luxurious - just like the rest of the apartment - but it also looks like it was cut straight from a interior design magazine, not homely at all. When he’s finally showered and dressed in clean clothes he walks to the kitchen feeling dread bloom within him, he doesn’t want to talk about it but he knows the others would want to. 

The guys look up when he walks in and he smiles softly at them, “Good morning.”

“Morning.” they chorus and Younghyun asks, “How you feeling?”

“Good.” they looked at him skeptically, “No, really, I feel good. Barely any pain.” he smiles, “I think I’m going to head home now though, I’ve intruded enough.”

“You’re not going back there.” Jae stands up, eyes stern as he stares at him.

“Yeah,” Younghyun continues, “you don’t think we’ll let you go back there after what happened yesterday, do you?”

“It was an accident,” Wonpil sighs, he knew they wouldn’t let him leave without a fight, “he hit me and I just happened to hit my head on the table on the way down.”

“As if that makes it okay?” Dowoon scoffs, “Do you even hear yourself?”

“Guys, it’s fine. I’ve lived like this since I was nine. I’m used to it.” and that, that seemed like it was the wrong thing to say because Younghyun looks close to tears while Jae looks like he wanted to punch someone. Dowoon was simply staring at him like he’d never seen Wonpil before and Sungjin just looks sad. He continues because he can’t bare the silence, “You don’t need to worry, it’s just one more year and then I can leave. Honestly, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fucking fine,” Jae practically growls, “look at yourself, he’s going to end up killing you before you get the chance to leave.” and at least he has the decency to look apologetic as Dowoon lets out a pained noise from the back of his throat and Younghyun sniffles and looks away but Jae continues anyway, “You can’t stay there. Why haven’t you called the police?”

Wonpil sighs, they just don’t understand. “Dad has contacts, he used to be a police officer before mom died and his old coworkers are very loyal. He even has a couple lawyers and prosecutors that owe him favours.” Wonpil explains and fiddles slightly with his sleeves - Dowoon’s sleeves - his mind corrects, “I tried to go to the police when I was thirteen but they ignored me and when my dad found out-” he trails off, “Well, I though for sure I was done for.”

“I didn’t realise it was this bad.” Wonpil’s eyes fly to Sungjin who looks way too guilty, tears in his eyes and he looks away when his gaze meets Wonpil’s.

“That’s because I didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?” Dowoon suddenly speaks up, “You always encourage us to talk to you when stuff is going on but you didn’t give us the decency to do the same.” and even though his words are harsh there is no venom in his voice, he simply sounds confused, almost betrayed.

“It’s different.”

“How?” Younghyun snaps and it seems like his sadness has turned to anger, “How is it different? We’re family Wonpil, we’re supposed to be there for each other but you didn’t let us help. Even if we can’t do much you should let us help.”

“I’m too scared to.” they deserve the truth, it’s the least he can do after everything he’s put them through but it doesn’t make it any easier for him to continue. “You’ll leave when you realise just how fucked up all this is and I know that it’s selfish but I don’t want to lose you guys.” 

“You won’t lose us.” Sungjin finally looks at him again and the sincerity in his voice makes Wonpil’s eyes water, he wants to believe him but he just _can’t_ , “We love you Wonpil, we don’t want to lose you either.”

“It’s not just my dad who’s the problem though,” and the others look confused, “it’s me, if you could hear even half the stuff goes on up here,” he jabs a finger at his own temple, the side that’s not injured, “you’d run for the hills. I am so fucked up inside and if I showed you, you’d never want to look at me ever again.”

“That’s not true.” Jae looks so sure of himself and Wonpil wants to scoff at him but he doesn't want to anger them any further, “Wonpil we all have issues but that’s why we have each other. We can help.” he steps forward and pulls Wonpil into a soft hug, so careful, as if Wonpil was made of glass, and he whispers, “Let us help you.”

And that, that seems to be the last straw because a sob bubbles up and Wonpil buries his head in the taller boy’s shoulder as he cries. He feels more arms wrap themselves around him and his knees buckle as if he has no strength left, he doesn’t. He wants to accept their help and as he tries to come up with reasons not to he realises he’s come up empty. His tears are soaking the fabric of Jae’s shirt and he thinks he should feel suffocated by the hands touching him but somehow they are comforting in a way he’s never felt before.

“Help me.” he chokes out and the others freeze slightly before they squeeze him tighter. And he knows they’ll be the ones to keep him together when he’s breaking at the seams. He feels himself grow tired as his sobs slow down and they help him over to the couch, hands still touching him letting him know what he’s never realised before;

_he’s not alone._


End file.
